Infidelity is like a relationship storm. Its impact can deeply affect your mental well-being. If you’ve faced infidelity, you probably know the jumble of emotions it stirs up. This emotional rollercoaster is entirely normal. Let’s bring more awareness to infidelity and how it impacts our mental health. Join me in exploring the nuances of infidelity and how it can affect your emotional well-being. This blog can provide valuable insights, practical advice, and helpful resources to help you deal with the challenges you’re facing during this difficult time.

By Jaunai Staton, LAMFT

How to Deal With Being Cheated On

There’s no one “correct” way to feel when dealing with infidelity. Your emotions can be all over the place – from anger, sadness, and confusion to embarrassment, or a mix of different feelings. Juggling these feelings undoubtedly impacts your mental well-being. When we talk about mental well-being, we’re talking about what shapes how you think, feel, and act. This includes your emotions, thoughts, and behavior in social situations. 

If you’re navigating the healing process after dealing with infidelity, know that emotional whirlwinds are natural. Don’t rush yourself to “get over it” or judge yourself for feeling a thousand emotions at once. What really matters is being patient, not only with yourself but also with your partner. You might be tempted to sweep your emotions and the infidelity under the rug. But it’s important not to leave these feelings unaddressed. Doing so could lead to long-term mental health challenges like anxiety and depression. It’s also likely to lead to future relationship challenges.

So, if managing your mental health while dealing with infidelity becomes difficult, try to understand why. Infidelity changes your view on not only your relationship but the world. It can cause you to question yourself and your judgment. These life-altering changes in perspectives have a direct impact on your mental well-being. Recognizing this connection is the first step in dealing with the emotional and mental hurdles infidelity brings. Given these giant hurdles, it’s important to find the right support and guidance.

Does Infidelity Pain Ever Go Away?

Infidelity can really mess with your emotions. Infidelity is trauma. It can even make you experience symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Think about being in a relationship with someone you put above everyone else. And then, out of the blue, you find out your partner has been unfaithful. It’s like a bombshell that shakes up your whole world, and your mind. The harmony and security in your relationship is gone. Suddenly, your relationship is a whirlwind of confusion.

After infidelity, you’ll often have these intense thoughts and feelings that just won’t quit. It’s like you can’t escape memories of betrayal. Vivid images of your partner’s cheating or the sound of their voice during a hurtful argument throw you into a spiral. Even everyday things trigger these reminders, making it super hard to move past the pain and betrayal.

And the emotional rollercoaster is hard to navigate with feelings of anger, or sadness. These emotions can be so strong that they mess with your daily life and even your ability to focus on simple tasks. You might find yourself bouncing between moments of deep sadness, intense anger, and times when you’re just full of self-doubt.

In this mental whirlwind, it can be like you’re stuck in a sea of confusion, trying to rebuild trust and a sense of safety in your relationship. You might be trying really hard to move forward. But you always end up right where you started. 

I’m here to tell you that you can work through these emotional ups and downs by getting some help and using good strategies. Eventually, you can find your way to recovery and rebuild trust.

Now that you’re aware there’s hope for healing and rebuilding, let’s explore some of the feelings you might encounter on this journey. Let’s delve into these emotions with some examples.

How to Control Your Anger After Being Cheated On

Let’s say you stumble upon some sketchy texts on your partner’s phone—talk about a gut punch. When you’ve experienced that your partner cheated—it’s like a bomb going off in your emotions, hitting you with a crazy mix of anger and hurt. The shock messes with your head, and as you try to deal with this reality, anger and bitterness start creeping in.

The foundation that held everything together is now in a million pieces, leaving you feeling utterly wrecked. Handling all that emotional chaos is seriously tough. Rather than being sad, you might find yourself feeling angry and resentful. 

Anger and resentment towards your partner could look like this:

• Finding things to blame them for outside of the infidelity
• Making passive-aggressive or sarcastic comments
• Expecting them to “mess up” or make a mistake
• Criticizing their character, values, or interests
• Thinking of ways to get even or seek revenge
• Easily losing your patience
• Giving the cold shoulder
• Yelling

When strong emotions take over, you may naturally engage in confrontations. This can be a way to address the pain and regain a sense of control over your emotions and the relationships affected by these struggles. This is a common part of navigating the complicated emotions that follow infidelity. 

Facing the reality of what’s been wrecked means dealing with the aftermath, trying to make sense of the mess that now surrounds what used to be a chill and trusting relationship. Remember, you’re not alone in these feelings, and there are practical ways to cope with them.

Anger and resentment are normal feelings to experience after infidelity. But they aren’t the only emotions that can show up.

Do You Have Persistent Anxiety and Intrusive, Unwanted Thoughts?

Losing trust in your relationship, and the world, can cause a surge of anxiety and intrusive (aka unwanted) thoughts. Anxiety can feel like an incessant worry that refuses to let you be. Intrusive thoughts pop into your head when you least expect it. When infidelity becomes part of your story, unsettling thoughts about betrayal pop up out of the blue. They disrupt your focus, steal your moments of tranquility, and keep you in a perpetual state of anxiety. It’s like being caught in an endless anxiety loop.  It feels impossible to break free from the cycle.

Let’s take Jessica as an example. After she discovered her partner’s infidelity, she couldn’t shake these troubling thoughts about the betrayal. They persistently invaded her mind, making it nearly impossible for her to find any peace and quiet. It felt like an unending cycle of anxiety that she desperately longed to escape from.

Finding out about the infidelity really messes with a person’s life, just like it did for Jessica. The aftermath of infidelity impacted Jessica’s: 

• Eating
• Self-esteem
• Sleep patterns
• Ability to focus
• Productivity at work
• Motivation to get anything done
• Enjoyment of social time and hobbies

Like Jessica, to take your mind off of things, you might turn to social media. You used to go on social media for fun or to connect with friends. But now you’re too distracted or sad to see what everyone else is up to. You might also turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with the pain of infidelity. You try to find distractions anywhere. But the thing is, these distractions don’t really last. The thoughts keep circling back to the betrayal and painful memories. Nothing you do seems to shake off the emotional pain. You feel like a scratched record, getting stuck on the same unpleasant tune.

Eventually, these repetitive and intrusive thoughts undoubtedly start to impact your happiness and sense of self-worth.

Being Cheated on Can Cause Depression and Low Self-Worth

Imagine waking up daily with a heavy burden on your chest. This is what it can feel like dealing with infidelity. You want to shed this heavy load, but you don’t know how. This weight makes you believe that you’re falling short. All of a sudden you feel like a failure in all areas of your life. These thoughts lead to low self-esteem. You might find yourself saying:

• “What did I do to cause this?”
  Infidelity is not a result of something the betrayed partner did or didn’t do. It’s a complex issue that isn’t your fault. 
• “Why am I not good enough?”
  This shows just how deeply you felt the sting of their betrayal. Remember, what one person does doesn’t define your worth. Your value is personal and not dependent on others’ choices.
• “Why would anyone love me anyway?”
  Betrayal makes you worry about whether you’re lovable and accepted. But remember, everyone deserves love and understanding. The actions of others aren’t a reflection of how lovable you are.

This emotional weight of infidelity doesn’t stay confined to your mind; it interferes with your physical well-being, sleep, appetite, and overall quality of life as well. You might find it difficult to do the most basic tasks, like showering or getting to work on time. If this sounds like you, know that the struggles related to infidelity aren’t your fault.

Grief After Infidelity

Think of infidelity as going through a journey of grieving the relationship you used to have. This journey has its ups, where you might feel like you and your partner have rebuilt trust at one point; and downs, when the little reminders come in and throw it off course. Healing from infidelity will involve facing some tough losses, such as trust. It may also challenge the way you thought your relationship would be. To get through this rollercoaster of emotions, it’s important to acknowledge and deal with the grief you’re feeling.

Grief is a complicated thing, and it’s okay to admit that you’re going through it. Some days, you’ll feel like you’re making progress, while others might be really tough. What’s vital here is having patience with yourself and understanding that it’s all part of the process.

Self-Care During Affair Recovery – A New Jersey Therapist’s Tips

Remember that bumps in the road don’t mean you’re failing. They’re just part of the journey. They don’t erase the progress you’ve made. Alongside taking care of your emotional needs, don’t forget to look after your physical health. Caring for your physical health is a big part of boosting your mental resilience. If you’re trying to survive infidelity, consider the following tips:

Eat Well:

Good food isn’t just for the body; it’s a mood booster too. A mix of nutritious meals can help steady your emotions and keep you energized while dealing with the ups and downs of infidelity.

Get Good Sleep:

Don’t underestimate the power of quality sleep! Stick to a sleep routine, and make your sleep space cozy. Sleep is a key ingredient for managing emotional stress. Proper sleep promotes emotional stability and helps you find balance in feelings and responses to stress. This ensures your emotions are in a more stable and manageable state, ultimately making you feel better equipped to navigate the daily ups and downs of life.

Stay Active:

Keep moving! Regular physical activity releases those feel-good endorphins that can help reduce stress and anxiety. Plus, doing activities you love can be a great way to take your mind off the emotional challenges that come with infidelity.

Take Breaks:

It’s important to give yourself permission to step away from dwelling on infidelity. Find activities that bring you joy and allow your mind to take a break from the situation. Engaging in hobbies, reading, or spending quality time with loved ones can be a welcome escape.

Try Staying Present:

Include mindful techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, into your daily routine. They’re like your secret weapon for handling stress and anxiety. They keep you grounded and boost your well-being. These mindful techniques will be effective in enhancing your mood, reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression, and increasing feelings of happiness and contentment.

Adding these habits to your daily life can really help you handle the ups and downs of infidelity. Just remember, looking after your body is looking after your mind, and it’s all part of the healing journey.

Surviving Infidelity in New Jersey With a Trained Couples Therapist

You’re not alone. Brighter days are ahead. When the weight of infidelity disrupts your emotional well-being, seeking therapy can help you find reliable resources for support. At Mindful Connections Counseling in New Jersey, our therapists are here to guide you through this challenging journey and create a safe space for processing your emotions.

Our therapists in New Jersey specialize in addressing the emotional impact of infidelity, helping you navigate these complex emotions. We offer effective healing techniques, like EMDR and Couples Therapy, that can transform your journey. Learn how to rebuild trust and rekindle hope with the support of our therapists.

Heal Through Infidelity Therapy in New Jersey

Remember, healing takes time, and encountering setbacks is part of the process. Our therapists are here to support you during the tough times. The journey to healing and recovery might feel tough, but it’s important to keep in mind that brighter days are waiting for you. Your mental health should always be a top priority, and our dedicated therapists in New Jersey are here to guide you through the steps needed to care for it.

Start Therapy for Infidelity in New Jersey

If you’re ready to begin your healing journey, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Mindful Connections Counseling in New Jersey. Together, we can navigate the complex emotional terrain that infidelity often brings, helping you find hope, rebuild trust, and ultimately, heal. Start your therapy journey with a caring therapist by following these simple steps:

• Contact us to request a phone consultation
• Meet with one of our caring therapists
• Start addressing the effects of infidelity!

You can also read more on our FAQs About Infidelity page.

Other Services Offered With Mindful Connections Counseling

Infidelity therapy isn’t the only service our team offers. We are happy to also offer premarital counseling, couples therapy, child therapy, teen therapy, divorce therapy, family therapy, and parent coaching. In addition, we also offer therapy for trauma, anxiety, grief, eating disorders, mind body wellness, race related stress, and cannabis-informed therapy. Feel free to visit our FAQ or blog to learn more!