By Jayln Giles-Ewell, LAAT, ATR-P

When it comes to your family, do you ever find yourself thinking, “Why do they always do this?” Maybe you notice certain behaviors in your cousins, or you see the same arguments pop up at every family gathering. Perhaps you even notice similarities in how you (or your siblings) parent versus how your parents did things. You may recognize certain struggles that seem to echo all the way up your family tree. 

You’re not alone in this. A lot of these patterns– good or bad– can trickle down through the generations. Sometimes, what you’re seeing (or feeling) is actually generational trauma at work. But what does that even mean?

How Do I Know If My Family Has Generational Trauma?

Why Breaking the Cycle Matters

Intergenerational trauma (also known as generational trauma) is when trauma is passed from our ancestors, all the way down to us. The hardships they experienced show up in how we are raised and how we experience the world.

And it doesn’t just show up out of nowhere. Think about families coping with major events such as immigration, wars, racial injustice, abuse, or even economic hardships. Think about: 

• Black Americans who were impacted by slavery only a few generations back. 
• Jewish individuals who have grandparents or great-grandparents who survived the Holocaust. 
• Descendants of refugees, who sought better and safer living conditions for their families, yet were met with even more barriers. 
• Indigenous communities, who have endured years and years of genocide and forced segregation.

How Does Trauma Get Passed Down?

You might still be wondering: how does trauma actually get passed down? Well, it’s a mix of lived experiences and also genetics. There’s been a lot of research done on how our environment and behaviors can even alter our genes. Epigenetics has already been proven to be responsible for certain mutations for cancer, or even influencing your immune system, but there is also a link to experienced trauma. 

And while science plays a role in it, learned behaviors also can reinforce intergenerational trauma. Imagine what years of oppression or abuse can do to one single person, let alone how it influences a family unit. So, what are some signs that trauma may be present in the family?

Understanding how trauma is transmitted is only one piece. The next step is learning to recognize how those patterns might be showing up in your family.

What Is Considered Generational Trauma?

There are a few ways that we can begin to recognize when we, or even some of our loved ones, may be battling with some residual trauma from the past. 

For example, you and/or your loved ones may: 

Struggle with anxiety or low mood 

And that’s not to say that whenever someone in your family is depressed or anxious, it has to be generational trauma. It’s more so what conversation around emotions looks like in your family. Maybe the presence of depression is due to big emotions being avoided more often than not. Or maybe the anxiety is a result of having to constantly be ready for the worst. 

Notice patterns of self-destructing behaviors within the family 

Going back to the impact of intergenerational trauma, perhaps a lot of your ancestors, or even yourself, have learned to cope with traumatic experiences in certain ways. Maybe it’s the pattern of substance use, or even lashing out at others when things get tough.

Suffer from chronic conditions 

Similar to anxiety and depression, just because you or a family member may struggle with chronic pain doesn’t exactly mean that there’s a presence of generational trauma. However, there have been countless studies that link trauma experiences to chronic illnesses. 

Have A History Of Unhealthy interpersonal relationships

Perhaps you or a loved one may have struggled with attachment in relationships for some time. This can show up as codependency, trust issues, or overall unhealthy attachment styles. 

Why is It Important to Address Generational Trauma? 

While we may know why generational trauma shows up, it’s still important to challenge these patterns that we may notice. Addressing intergenerational trauma can be beneficial not only for your own romantic or familial relationships but also for those to come within your family lineage. Taking the time to explore, address, and process unhealthy patterns and unresolved trauma can be beneficial within the whole grand scheme of things. However, it’s definitely easier said than done. 

What does it take to break the cycle overall?

Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma

Breaking generational trauma cycles can be a long, tedious, and emotionally tolling process within itself. Think about the total number of years in which certain patterns of hurt have been reinforced generation after generation, and how that has influenced and impacted your older family members. 

With that being said, when attempting to do trauma work focused on your family dynamics, it can take some time. And while it could feel as though this work may be too much to take on, consider what it would feel like to witness and enact change within your family during your lifetime. 

While the process may look different for all, here are some ways that you can start breaking cycles within your own family: 

• Start with educating yourself, and your family members who are also interested in doing the work: Read about the science behind generational trauma, as well as how it can impact families, and pass that education on to interested family members.
• Consider having active conversations with your family members regarding mental health: Maybe you may come from a family that never fully acknowledged emotions, or even outright rejected the concept of mental health. One way to break this cycle is to start having conversations, even if it feels awkward. Normalize checking in with how family members are really doing.
• Pay attention to the patterns and behaviors that you notice amongst your family members: If there’s a constant theme or narrative that is often repeated by older family members, such as: “Don’t cry, or else you’ll seem weak” or “Children are only meant to be seen, not heard”, consider reframing or recreating your own narrative that you want your family to abide by. 
• Explore some of the patterns that you start to become aware of through journaling: When recognizing maladaptive patterns that have been passed down within our family, or even stored within ourselves, it could be helpful to explore where some of these patterns came from through journaling:
  • Consider utilizing prompts, such as:
    • What do I know about the generational trauma that my parents and grandparents experienced?
    • When I think about past familial trauma events that I’ve witnessed, what feelings start to come up for me? When are the times that I feel similarly in my daily life?
    • After observing some of my own behaviors and my family members’ behaviors, are there any particular patterns that I notice? Are these patterns that I want to discontinue within my immediate family, and if so, how?
    • What are some of the self-care practices that I have implemented to help process the trauma of my past? 
    • Are there any interactions that take place within my family that trigger my own personal trauma? And if so, how can I cultivate healthy boundaries for when these interactions take place?
• Consider using therapy as a way to help process intergenerational trauma: Working with a therapist– on your own or as a family–can help unpack trauma you might not even realize you’re holding on to. 

What Does Therapy Look Like for Generational Trauma Work?

There are many ways that you can use therapy as a way of processing generational trauma. 

For example, different treatment modalities can benefit you or your family, such as: 

• Family Therapy: Working with a Marriage & Family therapist (MFT), who uses family counseling interventions, can be beneficial when working specifically on intergenerational trauma. Because family therapy focuses on the family as a system, a MFT can aid your family in focusing on healthy communication and creating new, healthy family dynamics. Additionally, your therapist can help you understand how generational trauma can influence certain unhealthy behaviors.
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): If you work with a trauma-focused therapist trained in EMDR, you can also begin to specifically target certain inherited trauma responses or events that have taken place within the family. An EMDR-trained therapist can help you process trauma memories that are holding you up from being able to heal from deep-rooted experiences and negative beliefs.
• Art Therapy: Finally, working with an art therapist can offer a new, and similarly effective route for processing generational trauma. Combining aspects of family therapy and working from a trauma-focused lens, art therapy can help you process your traumatic experiences through art making. Sessions can involve using Art making as a way to communicate difficult emotions and experiences without relying so much on words, or even creating visual representations of your family lineage. 

Remember, unpacking family trauma isn’t easy. And, it definitely isn’t quick. But every small step taken to break an old pattern counts, and you’re allowed to take your time while healing. This journey is all about understanding where you’ve come from, so that you can figure out where you want to go from here.

How to Break The Cycle Of Generational Trauma With The Help Of an NJ Therapist

If you’re recognizing harmful patterns passed down through your family, or if you’re ready to create healthier dynamics for future generations, we’re here to help.

Here’s how to get started:

1. Schedule a Free 15-minute Consultation with one of our trauma-informed therapists specializing in generational patterns in NJ
2. Explore therapy approaches like EMDR, family therapy, or art therapy designed to help you process inherited trauma and rewrite family narratives
3. Build the skills to break cycles of anxiety, unhealthy relationships, and self-destructive behaviors while honoring your family’s resilience

Whether you’re dealing with attachment issues, chronic stress patterns, or the weight of generational trauma, our team offers compassionate, culturally-informed support that helps you understand where you’ve come from—so you can choose where you want to go.

Other Services Offered By Mindful Connections Counseling

Beyond our specialized support for individuals breaking the cycle of generational trauma, our team provides a wide range of therapeutic services to meet your unique needs. Our team is happy to also offer support for in-person and online therapy services including couples therapy, eating disorder treatment,  premarital counseling, support with infidelity, child therapy, BIPOC therapy, and teen therapy. We also offer divorce therapy, family therapy, and parent coaching. In addition, we also offer therapy for trauma, anxiety, grief, EMDR therapy, mind body wellness, and cannabis-informed therapy. Feel free to visit our FAQ or blog to learn more!