If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve lost someone—or something—that mattered deeply. And maybe the world has kept moving, while you’ve felt stuck, overwhelmed, or simply… numb. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. It can hit in waves, or lie quiet and heavy in your chest for months, even years. You might be carrying memories that hurt to look at, or questions that have no answers. If you’ve tried talking about it, but still feel like the pain lives deep in your body, you’re not alone.
I’ve lost someone I loved. At the time, I did everything I thought I was supposed to do—held it together, went back to work, kept moving forward. People told me I was strong, and I believed them. But beneath the surface, I was carrying something I didn’t fully understand: guilt, regret, and a quiet, persistent voice in the back of my mind saying I should have done more. I didn’t talk about it much. I thought it was just part of grieving—something you tuck away and learn to live with.
Dealing With Inconsolable Grief
Grief and loss affect us in ways that go far beyond missing someone or something we’ve lost. Often, we carry painful thoughts that settle in quietly, like “It’s my fault,” “I should have done more,” or “I’ll never be okay again.” These kinds of thoughts—known as negative beliefs or cognitions—can shape how we feel day to day. They can leave us feeling stuck, anxious, numb, or even disconnected from others. Over time, they can color how we see ourselves, how we relate to the world, and how we move through it. When these beliefs go unprocessed, they can deepen our pain and keep us from healing. Understanding how these thoughts work is an important step in gently finding our way forward.
You may be thinking, What does this have to do with EMDR? Or what does EMDR even mean?
What Does EMDR Therapy Do?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a form of therapy that helps people heal from painful experiences that feel “stuck” in their minds and bodies. When something upsetting or traumatic happens, our brains don’t always process it in a healthy way — the memory, and all the emotions or negative beliefs tied to it, can stay trapped. EMDR helps by gently activating the brain’s natural healing process.
During an EMDR session, you’ll focus on certain parts of a memory while following back-and-forth movements with your eyes (or sometimes sounds, or taps). This helps the brain rework the memory in a way that feels less distressing and more resolved. Over time, people often find that the memory becomes easier to think about, and the painful emotions or beliefs tied to it begin to shift. They feel lighter, clearer, and more grounded — not because they’ve forgotten the experience, but because it no longer holds the same emotional weight.
What Makes EMDR More Effective Than Traditional Grief Counseling?
While talk therapy can be incredibly helpful — offering a safe space to share feelings, gain insight, and feel supported — sometimes just talking about painful experiences isn’t enough to fully heal them. This is especially true when the grief is complicated, overwhelming, or tied to deeper feelings of guilt, regret, or trauma. EMDR works differently. Instead of only exploring experiences through conversation, EMDR helps the brain process what’s stuck on a deeper, often subconscious level.
It’s like your mind knows something logically — “It wasn’t my fault,” or “They wouldn’t want me to suffer” — but your heart and body still carry the pain as if it’s true. EMDR helps bridge that gap.
Is EMDR Helpful For Grief?
For grief, using EMDR means gently untangling painful memories, easing the weight of “what-ifs,” and softening the sharp edges of loss without needing to talk through every detail. People often say they feel a deep shift after EMDR— not just thinking differently, but actually feeling different. Lighter. More at peace. It’s not about forgetting or letting go of the person; it’s about finding a way to carry the love without being overwhelmed by the pain.
Signs that EMDR may be necessary for processing your grief:
- Ongoing sadness, numbness
- Intense guilt/regret, even if it is not in your control
- Intense irritability
- Emotional outbursts that feel unmanageable
- Daily anxiety, excessive worry, or a chronic sense of unease
- Feeling “stuck” despite trying to feel better for a while
- Difficulty feeling pleasure/joy like you used to
- Feeling foggy, forgetful, or distracted
- Persistent negative beliefs about yourself
- Rumination (replaying memories over and over)
- Fatigue, loss of energy
- Changes in appetite and/or sleep
- Unexplained body aches and pain
If you’ve been feeling this way, you’ve probably already tried to cope — maybe by talking to someone, staying busy, journaling, or just trying to “move on.” And if those things haven’t brought the relief you hoped for, it’s not because you’ve done something wrong. It likely means your grief needs something deeper or different to truly begin lifting.
What Happens If You Can’t Get Over Grief?
Two people can lose the same loved one and have completely different experiences, depending on their relationship, personal history, how the loss happened, and even how they tend to process emotions. That’s why it’s so important to honor your own grief — however it shows up — and to recognize that if you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or burdened by self-blame, you’re not alone. There is support to help untangle those painful layers and make room for healing. And it may just take trying something new, like EMDR, to help resolve the trauma from losing someone you love.
Learn More About Grief Counseling in New Jersey
Grieving can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to face it by yourself. EMDR can gently guide you through the pain and help you find healing at your own pace.
Whether you join us in person in New Jersey or connect online from wherever you are, we’re here to support you with kindness and understanding. When you’re ready, we’re ready to walk alongside you on your healing journey.
EMDR For Grief, Loss, And Trauma Is Available Online And Near Metuchen, Edison, and Woodbridge, NJ
Processing grief, navigating loss, and healing from trauma doesn’t have to be a journey you face alone. Finding peace through EMDR therapy while honoring your loved one’s memory is more accessible than you might think. It starts with reaching out to a therapist who understands the complexities of grief, the weight of loss, and the powerful role EMDR can play in helping you process difficult emotions and traumatic memories with compassion and expertise.
Here’s how to begin:
- Reach out to us or give us a call – we’ll get back to you within 24 hours
- Have a free 15-minute consultation call to make sure we’re a good fit and discuss your unique needs
- Schedule your first session with a therapist who specializes in EMDR and start your path towards healing
We offer both in-person counseling in Metuchen, NJ and virtual sessions to fit your schedule and comfort level.
Other Services Offered With Mindful Connections Counseling
EMDR therapy isn’t the only service our team offers. We are happy to also offer premarital counseling, couples therapy, child therapy, teen therapy, therapy for infidelity, family therapy, and parent coaching. In addition, we also offer therapy for trauma, anxiety, grief, eating disorders, mind body wellness, and race related stress. Feel free to visit our FAQ or blog to learn more!
Jenna D’Angelo, LAC
Jenna specializes in trauma therapy, women's issues, and perinatal/postpartum mental health. She creates a safe, judgment-free environment where clients can freely express their thoughts and feelings. Using CBT, DBT, EMDR, and trauma-informed approaches, she helps clients reframe negative self-talk and develop healthy coping strategies. As a mother herself, she understands the unique challenges women face during life transitions.